Friday, April 29, 2011

week o n e.

it's been one week since i dropped ben off at training and i'll be honest - it's been a pretty hard one.
the day after he left, everything that could've gone wrong ; did. i don't know if it was just my overall anxiety that caused everything to spiral down, but i definitely felt suffocated.
on sunday, while scarlett was taking a bath, i decided to go look on our bookshelf to see if there was anything that could get my mind off of what was happening. i noticed this book i bought when ben went away for basic, it's a total ~military wife~ book but i remember reading it and getting a lot of good advice from it.

the first four sections of the first chapter goes as follows:
-stage one: the mind games (prior to separation/deployment)

-stage two: depression (0-2 weeks)

-stage three: the resentment

-stage four: getting into the routine as well as taking care of yourself.

the moment i read the first section, i felt like i was on the truman show and someone wrote a book about my life. it was so creepily relevant. but the best part of all of it was, i felt this huge relief. i wasn't alone. i'm not the only person that has this constant anxiety for the first week while they're gone. i'm not totally irrational for not getting any sleep and feeling ridiculously restless/emotional.
ben has been gone before and i always felt like i had things under control, but the main difference between this and every other time is the fact that i'm living on my own. i don't have friends and family to take my mind off of the separation. i never really process what i'm feeling, i just keep insanely busy but here - it's a beach town. there's nothing really to do except relax on the beach = loads of thinkin' time.
i'm thankful that i'm definitely feeling a lot better today than i was yesterday, and i was feeling a lot better yesterday than the day before. i'm progressing and that's all i can really ask for. i'm actually getting some sleep and put a real smile on today.
i decided that sulking around inside wasn't the best idea to get over the loneliness, so i decided to check out the local mall. it's basically deserted but they have a bubble tea place so i'm all set. :)
i've never been one to let scarlett play in those "mall playgrounds" actually i totally forbid it but... i could've cared less today. we had the place all to ourselves and i used a whole bottle of hand sanitizer, but most importantly - it was the happiest i've seen her in days. she's been having a really hard time with ben gone and it's something i never know really how to handle, they talk every night but her screaming for him in the middle of the night, is something i just don't know how to fix. i'm hoping she'll start to adjust as fast as i am.



  1. Scarlett is getting so big! It's always good to know you're not alone. I get anxious and out of whack when Bruce is gone all day at work, I can't imagine him being gone for weeks. I'd be acting crazy. I hope time flies by and he is home before you know it!

  2. The few weeks is always the hardest. It's the one where you're trying to adjust with him being gone and everything. Don't worry, you're doing just fine, Megan! If you need anyone to talk to, I'm here :)

  3. you go girl. good for you! it's when we're sick of being miserable and realize there are other folks who depend on us that we get the guts to overcome. you are doin awesome girlfran. keep up the positivity! it's just a challenge and you can do it!

  4. It's always important to have some reinsurance in our life, even if it's coming from a book. Sending sweet lovin' mama, keep that chin up of yours.


  5. She's so pretty!

    x H